Monday, November 3, 2014


I've been dealing with a bit of a development block recently. I have been able to break through a number of these blocks over the last year and recently was able to hand off HTUR development to the other guy on the project which frees me up to check on/start other projects. Creatively it's been hard to conceptualize a game where you don't have an avatar or jump or shoot stuff at other things or any of the like. Part of me is really sick of older game tropes and I have a strong sense of why that is but it isn't helping me move along very quickly. The next big thing is a fighting game made with unreal. I have the outlines of the functionality down but I can't find a good entry point. When I get a good idea about how to attack this project then I'll get back to the  Unreal grip posts that I started a year ago. Since then it's been rather unproductive and that's really a bad feeling. Sure I've done some music here and graphic design there but that's not really where I want to grow. Most of my mindset is focused on getting in better physical health. Maybe it's a good idea to do some kind of regular update here on what  my workout habits are but I feel like I just lack the discipline in general to make good on those things. And the year is already coming to a close so fast that I don't know what hit me . As I get older each week seems to go by in a blink or two and I've been battling personal things since Summer. Anyway, for the few who read .. I still exist and I'll probably see half of you before you know it. For everyone else who may read this , I think it's important to break some ground before I talk to much and deliver too little. This may be strange but I feel like a laptop is really holding me back and I really want to give back before I take too much more from the world.

Speaking of give and take. I finally came around to understanding the one thing about women that I should have learned from my mother and only gained  a real sense of it's impact recently.. Consideration. Just the smallest bit of consideration makes all the difference. That's really what's important. Also , using commas in the correct places. Another thing that I've learned in recent times. particularly when you are directing a phrase at someone, dude.

Hmm.. I want to take a quick look at what's happening and what I can do about those things.

    Polish up the background scrolling scripts and make the game more difficult overall. The last couple of testers that I had said that the game wasn't challenging enough.
    Also the art for most of the game needs a once-over. Time to get the final style in place and such. These things are part of the rework but it's actually quite difficult to make a plan and get those things clear.
-- another big issue that I take with this project is that it's completion time was never really set .. and so that means I have to not feel so bad if the project takes some 2 years to get done. It kinda drives a man insane.

    I really liked the idea of this project but my brilliant organization kinda became a mess.. I didn't think clearly enough and did quite a few things wrong. This would be a great place to get back on the horse as there really isn't too much to this game overall. But I am kinda reserved and want to work more on the unreal game.

    This game is the most nebulous. There are so many things that it needs and I've really completed very little of the basic systems. It's hard to test without decent placeholder assets and the rest of the team is about at the same pace. Group meetings rarely cover the needs of the game and most other people are focused on their job ( of course ) than this side project. It's a toolset that I want to learn but I'm also torn between the visual scripting side of the implementation because it's very deep ( as well as confusing in a big enough system. my designer side says to make better tools for people who are going to do the meat of the design and content creation work. )

I don't have any other projects on my plate. Each month I put out several applications and perhaps get an interview here and there. But I'm really not cut out for the service industry ... the bothersome part is not being able to save any money. I'm not really counting on making it big but I know that somewhere I have to get better at what I do. Use it or lose it as they say. I need to get over the shock of recognizing my age. I want to confront and execute my dreams instead of yearn for them. I want to do what any artist wants to do. Have that great experience and use my skills to re-convey it in a meaningful experience.

I have so many people to thank for helping me get through some of my most difficult years so far. It's impossible to extinguish the hope I have for a brighter future. That's the most important part.

I want to come back and let out more thoughts here. Bear with me.