I know you care.

So the year is closing. I'm deciding what to drop and what to take with me into the next season of work after my trip home next week. Currently I've been kinda obsessed with some older projects just to see if I should salvage them or shovel them. Also there has been some progress with the unreal game and the last LudumDare based game. In the most recent LD I came up with a good idea but didn't really execute it the way I wanted. Decided to keep up with modeling instead. The following is a work in progress render.. The state of the unreal project is to make an example of taking a concept and making it into a playable character for the team228 fighting game ExtinctionGrid that kicks off development next year. I can't share much but I do have a render. In related news is some more music coming down the pipe with a beat tape and about 8 remixes that I've been putting off between personal work and other things ( like getting the other games done ) it'll be nice to have a little package of the work from the last year or so in the same place so hang around for that. I'm also looking at some more CSS modifications for this site to include a visuals page and a music page. Anyway.. Enough about that. Have a splendid holiday season and new year and stuff. I'll see you around.

Block

I've been dealing with a bit of a development block recently. I have been able to break through a number of these blocks over the last year and recently was able to hand off HTUR development to the other guy on the project which frees me up to check on/start other projects. Creatively it's been hard to conceptualize a game where you don't have an avatar or jump or shoot stuff at other things or any of the like. Part of me is really sick of older game tropes and I have a strong sense of why that is but it isn't helping me move along very quickly. The next big thing is a fighting game made with unreal. I have the outlines of the functionality down but I can't find a good entry point. When I get a good idea about how to attack this project then I'll get back to the  Unreal grip posts that I started a year ago. Since then it's been rather unproductive and that's really a bad feeling. Sure I've done some music here and graphic design there but that's not really where I want to grow. Most of my mindset is focused on getting in better physical health. Maybe it's a good idea to do some kind of regular update here on what  my workout habits are but I feel like I just lack the discipline in general to make good on those things. And the year is already coming to a close so fast that I don't know what hit me . As I get older each week seems to go by in a blink or two and I've been battling personal things since Summer. Anyway, for the few who read .. I still exist and I'll probably see half of you before you know it. For everyone else who may read this , I think it's important to break some ground before I talk to much and deliver too little. This may be strange but I feel like a laptop is really holding me back and I really want to give back before I take too much more from the world.

Speaking of give and take. I finally came around to understanding the one thing about women that I should have learned from my mother and only gained  a real sense of it's impact recently.. Consideration. Just the smallest bit of consideration makes all the difference. That's really what's important. Also , using commas in the correct places. Another thing that I've learned in recent times. particularly when you are directing a phrase at someone, dude.

Hmm.. I want to take a quick look at what's happening and what I can do about those things.

HTUR :
    Polish up the background scrolling scripts and make the game more difficult overall. The last couple of testers that I had said that the game wasn't challenging enough.
    Also the art for most of the game needs a once-over. Time to get the final style in place and such. These things are part of the rework but it's actually quite difficult to make a plan and get those things clear.
-- another big issue that I take with this project is that it's completion time was never really set .. and so that means I have to not feel so bad if the project takes some 2 years to get done. It kinda drives a man insane.

Subcutaneous:
    I really liked the idea of this project but my brilliant organization kinda became a mess.. I didn't think clearly enough and did quite a few things wrong. This would be a great place to get back on the horse as there really isn't too much to this game overall. But I am kinda reserved and want to work more on the unreal game.

UnrealFighter:
    This game is the most nebulous. There are so many things that it needs and I've really completed very little of the basic systems. It's hard to test without decent placeholder assets and the rest of the team is about at the same pace. Group meetings rarely cover the needs of the game and most other people are focused on their job ( of course ) than this side project. It's a toolset that I want to learn but I'm also torn between the visual scripting side of the implementation because it's very deep ( as well as confusing in a big enough system. my designer side says to make better tools for people who are going to do the meat of the design and content creation work. )


I don't have any other projects on my plate. Each month I put out several applications and perhaps get an interview here and there. But I'm really not cut out for the service industry ... the bothersome part is not being able to save any money. I'm not really counting on making it big but I know that somewhere I have to get better at what I do. Use it or lose it as they say. I need to get over the shock of recognizing my age. I want to confront and execute my dreams instead of yearn for them. I want to do what any artist wants to do. Have that great experience and use my skills to re-convey it in a meaningful experience.

I have so many people to thank for helping me get through some of my most difficult years so far. It's impossible to extinguish the hope I have for a brighter future. That's the most important part.

I want to come back and let out more thoughts here. Bear with me.

Getting better? Looking up?

I've been in talks with twice as many recruiters this year than last year. Still not much has come of it yet. My first answer would be to produce more games. The indie line of that work is difficult because it's sometimes lonely and I have to take on other small jobs to make things happen and that can slow down the process. I sometimes want to forget about games but I've invested so much into it that there really isn't any sense in stopping. Why not do both? Keep the hope alive people. One way or another I'll escape Central Texas. I don't care if I have to play bongos on a river boat to get there.

In related news. HTUR is halted for the time being. I'm shifting efforts back to Subcutaneous for a little while because there is more bang for the buck there. Also I haven't updated much on the Unreal4 project. But now that I think I've worked the kinks out of my outlines I can dig back into it.

There are also many tracks starting to pile up ... an issue that I have with making and releasing large batches of work is that the quality is inconsistent over larger periods of time. And for the first time in a while gaming has taken up some real time for the last couple weeks. A grandparent of mine died today. Worse things have taken longer. This year being what it has been.

September has just ended and so now I feel like I can begin again. Work, Just work. Then work harder. I think that's the only way to see times like these in the rear-view.

Hope Out

What planet is this? I need to find a way to sell all my things so I can get to the hobo life or something. Middle America kills. I'm shocked at my idle mind this month. Please let something happen. I do not want to experience that last book again.

Bloody Detail

It has been recommended to me to account for my last manic episode. I need something to come back to in the future where I forget where I've been. Hopefully never again.

I did a terrible job of documenting my first issues in Los Angeles. The stress of striking out on my own as well as trying to handle my taxes and student loans became a heavy mental load. Before Halloween that year I had started to experience mild psychosis my father didn't know what to do with me at the time and sent me to live in central Texas with my mother.

I was very depressed out here for almost a year. Then I got into the state mental health service MHMR and started to really turn things around as I acclimated to the humid days and the zero tolerance life. There aren't many good jokes in the heart of Texas. In time I became so comfortable that I made the mistake of weaning myself off of my daily medication. First it was a small change. As time went on I took less and less until eventually I had stopped altogether around a year later.

Come mothers day of 2014 I was acting out again. I didn't have a grasp of what was going on because my mother also suffers from the same disorder and had a short relapse only a few months before. I fancied myself a master manipulator or magician. And have since scattered my belongings in all corners of our house. At the peak of that experience my father made the call to have me on emergency detention. I was apprehended by the local police and spent ten terrible days without psychiatric treatment in the ER of the local branch of Metroplex hospital.

The days there were terrible. I could hardly trust anyone and was on 24 hour surveillance. Initially I was testing my own limits but with time ended up testing every shift nurse in that system. I remember avoiding medication at metroplex and thinking that my life would come to an end if they were to poison me to get me to sleep. I don't remember many details except the cold nights and losing a bunch of weight under delusion that I was a kung-fu master of some kind. The hospital staff was very dismissive and not trusting. I couldn't tell whether it was my ego or others around me who seemed like deflated caricatures of people who I was familiar with. Pardon the ramble but those ten days were the worst experience in a hospital that I have ever seen and now I only have the medical bills to show for it. I still try and forget some of those terrible times on the state hospital waiting list. Within a week I was moved up from the 40th position on the waiting list to the second. On the last day I was finally able to eat and brush my own teeth without supervision. I was then moved to the state hospital ASH.

Ironically I'd been wanting to visit Austin considering the time that I had spent in central Texas already. I'm a musician and I found a lot of peace in the strange people that are from around there who worked at ASH. For my first week and a half there I maintained the super-soldier mentality and displayed my martial arts almost on a daily basis. I endured many hallucinations in order to maintain control but still had to be put down between fights of the female aspects of what angrycrow was capable of and the peace of ben Nix. I was once asked if I thought there was a coincidence that my best friend from college and I were both diagnosed with mental disorders. If you combine our technical knowledge with the trying times that most adults our age suffer with I would say no. We're a stressed generation in trying times and we're fast approaching leadership roles in communities who set their minds on the great american dream. I know I'm getting out there and lofty. But I strongly believe that my experience was mostly based on defining freedom for myself. Nothing defines freedom better than being arrested and thrown into a hospital system against your will just before mothers day. Having to get permission to use the restroom. Living where the suicidal people are in the same room as the homicidal. I have been verbally abused and physically threatened by the wild animals in SSFAPS ward at ASH too many times to recall. And so I have to close this chapter. Despite my behavior without the medication and me foolishly second guessing a veteran doctor. I have more a sense of what freedom can be if I keep myself in check. This experience has given me as much creative material as it has nightmares. I only wish I could remember every bloody detail that would keep me from entering the halls of the haunted hospital ever again. Between ASH and Metroplex I was reborn as a more free man with an even greater respect for the fine line between genius and insanity. I think I'll be back for other accounts of this experience. But I'm glad I have the freedom to put it here in the first place.

Re Situating

Well in short I've had quite a hellish month. I learned the hard way what it means to live with a disability to say the least. The worst of my experience took place in the private healthcare system and the powers of the state have redeemed my thoughts of myself and others who may suffer with a mental illness. That's really all I want to say about that. I now know that I have potential beyond myself as long as I'm willing to be vulnerable and trust my experience. Currently I'm not in the right frame of mind to work on games there aren't enough people close to me in this town to make a living off of that. Hopefully the federal government will come through and provide a bit of upward mobility. There is a bit of hope when I look back and see how long this disorder has been holding me back. I have the paperwork to prove it. Here's to retroactive disability pay and the closing of a chapter of my life that I would love to run away from as fast as possible. My days in the Cove are going to wind down. My future as a performing artist have just begun. 

Two All those who want to profile and pose.

How alive are you today?

If you ask me... not bad at all...

I just get distracted.. no headphones are bad enough..


THAT:S IT!!!! But can i find it in less than 10 minutes?

I'm starting to like the look of these lines of text though. Just keeping up the good fight.... ~~~~~~~!!!!!

Internet Experience [ FIXED ]

I've been in this google ecosystem for many years ( like a lot of us. ). It's hard to explain but I have a deep faith in that company. They continue to be fair and flexible with my code and I respect that. They're going to need that Ad money to get deeper into the tech industry. Chrome and Gmail have really changed the game since 1996. As a developer I'm only starting to appreciate these core services built on open source projects that have taken the world over in the last decade. I've tried many plugins in my day but there is nothing quite like minimalist everything.


Before you see what I've managed to do with it just check it out in the chrome marketplace.[ Here ]

In short is a client side CSS mod tool that accepts wildcard domains. This means that you can append CSS on your end while not really messing with the back-end meta sphere that is commonly known as Big Data. The coolest thing about the internet as a tool is researching and refining your user experience. Personally I'm done with being bombarded by my ad filter after 10 years of a googleID. Most people tell me that they don't notice what I've modified. On the real we've been joking about FBPlus , the truth is anyone can do it with a little effort. Hopefully this blast will boost the plugin somewhere down the line. But I'll be at real peace when I can afford the donation to mirror the heartache that is relieved by this plugin.

Without further ado check out how I've modified these core social services ( with respect to the EULA of each service. ) :

DFTGBA hahahah 

Treasure Trove : Copperas Cove

I've been in this town for about a year and a half now. Normally I move every 2 years or so and it just so happens that the hidden treasures of this West Fort Hood area come to light as I'm preparing to find a new adventure. What was at first a thinly populated Christian community has turned out to be quite the sleepy little town of passionate musicians looking for a forum in the shadow of Austin.


> Click to enlarge dem fotos <

Recently I've been drumming at a church downtown 3 days a week after skimming through the local barren tri-city craigslist for months. The man on who posted the ad for a drummer was ... we'll call him Mr. Bim :








After a few months of getting to know each other through music he invited me to his place of work. The boss had heard about me and was willing to show me his collection of musical instruments that he was putting up for sale. Generally a wide range of tried and true articles were discovered. Roland Drums, great little PA, other effects and components, guitars, amps and the like...

All of which were carefully configured and arranged for someone who clearly loved to play.


Here we have a really fantastic quality accordion. American made. Near perfect condition but sadly going for about a quarter of it's sale price. This is understandable. Ask someone why they stopped doing what they loved for so long and there is probably a cloud of life events surrounding the demise of that passion.

Indeed the best surprise was yet to come. Mr. Bim had a pretty good read on me over the last few weeks. He lead me from the sun-room into the main house of the shop owner and lead me to this unassuming organ in the den : 

bimmmmmmmm

From the only modern American organ company. Wurli and Hammond have pretty much left the business. Here we have a customized cadillac organ of sorts... I'll leave the rest up to imagery.. 

bummmmmmm

BinnnnnnnGG!!!!! 

BANUUUUUUUUUH!!!!

 Of course.. it's just a thing. But I learned something really valuable from this visit. The personal story ( that really doesn't belong here ) about men who express that familiar inclusion through song. Extravagence of the tools aside. In this home that is slowly shedding it's instruments a love had grown up and died with these planks and speakers and lights as witnesses. Let me put it this way. You can get that guitar, shoot, baseline price for a TOOL of this class starts at around 2kUSD... But you can't get that SOUND until you've loved it as long as Clapton has. Until it can break your heart.

Recovery, Getting ready to move again.

And so I've pre-emptively moved the HTUR content away from this blog so we can prepare for the closed beta. I'll be elsewhere indiegamerinos.. [^ Contact TAB ^]

Top secret project has begun!

Final stretch

Crunch time after lunch time. Lots of Gospel in this project.

LD29 : PostMortem

I'm still aiming for the jam. Source updating stops in 5 minutes. [ Come back for more tonight, I'll post the alternate link to possibly enter as a jam game .. I just need some food and a few hours.. thanks.  ]

- AC

[Mini-Project] Quell your impatience with Nintendo stencils :

Ehhh.. I'm not in the mood to tag and do funky things to all the pictures. BUT! Speaking of tagging let me show you how I made this :

Just you wait... [ Pic related ]  

They make me want to dance.

Let's just say that pain is beauty :

We call em piss ants in these parts [ Video Unrelated ]

Games - 'Everything Is Working' 7"

Word to the hayseed handyman.

Nobody ever regretted an education.  Kinda...

Good Answer

In summary, GDP is a misleading figure if you are looking to explain exchange rates. In reality, a huge number of factors affect exchange rates like imports, exports, interest rates, economic stability, foreign investment, economic growth and inflation.

How about we pay workers what they're worth? 

AdventureTime : Cove Terrace Car Show

Just quickly want to thank everyone at Cove Terrace today who was nice enough to chat with me. 

Cool Clubs: 

Evangelist Piracy

I've been volunteering my musical passion/experience at a local church out here in central Texas for about two months now. It's great to gain a broader understanding of people in the area and fun to compare/contrast the local culture with that of my hometown. 'Red-State-Bilbe-Thumpin'' folks are as nice as anyone else. One thing ties Americans together that is a pretty underrated statistic. Around 1:3 US Citizens are active bit-torrent users. That's right. I live in a country where nearly every other person is a 'pirate' , even in the church. While this is a regular point of controversy  ( file-sharing's impact on commerce versus availability of access to the world of information/tech. ) one thing that unites this taboo is evangelism. When people have the option to consume within autonomous  logistics or 'unlimited free trial' two interesting things emerge. First is apparent reach of content becomes far more clear. Check any magnet tracker and upon browsing anyone can discover what the most popular show around is. Second is elimination of buyers remorse. This side-effect is more interesting to me. Many software companies discourage piracy by offering freeware to introduce possibilities of a tool to customers. But those who gain working experience and learn from this 'unlimited demo' exchange make more informed decisions when purchasing software, invest more into that ecosystem, and tell every person they can how great that tool is. The grey area of actively seeking new tools and being gifted bootleg ware is as old as portable media. In response to this global culture of peers organizations like Adobe have completely restructured their licensing strategy by doing things like adopting the subscriber model or even F2P ( ie. Wix ). To me it seems the more information that consumers have the better the market will respond to the needs of what a 'legitimate' channel is. Have you been compensated for the number of software sales you've inspired? We don't talk about it.

Over Vs. Through

I'm really glad to have met so many interesting folks through the internet. Particularly during the growth of new media I've made some real friends. It has become difficult to get to know people over the internet however. I know some people who have really made it work and I'm adjusting to it but to me the difference in that open society is like getting to know someone over a cup of coffee opposed to through the experiences at the coffee shop. 

-'Nah mean? - AC 

Unreal Grip #1

Howdy folks. Spring has sprung and new projects are always on the rise. I've been spouting off about new projects for a while now and I feel like now is a good time for a new series.  I just got the UnrealEngine4 toolkit and have plans to do a big game with a good sized team by the end of the year. This is a crunch year. All of my skills and efforts will be put forward to make the most of this engine. The MSI has just finished downloading. Are you ready? 

Finally the third.

I've decided to take on a remix contest every month this year. Here is the installment for this month in picture form. I had to take a picture : 

You can listen to this and other remixes that I do this year on this playlist : 

The internet is mostly derivative and not creative.

I've been into making stuff for a while. I spend a lot of time checking out other peoples work and leaving comments or critiques. But this isn't very common in our digital culture. I'm concerned about these lone wolf type of people who hunger for recognition but offer no feedback. It doesn't create a collaborative community or audience that is receptive of new art. If everyone put half as much time honestly reviewing and researching this sea of derivative work as they did contributing to it, the internet would be a far more welcoming place for innovation. Real community in this regard doesn't happen often in many places online. This gamified media outlet has strangers compete against eachother for numbers of view and downloads, has created a whole market for fake attention. It's piss easy to tell where the love is and where the hacks are. Don't take my word for it. Spend ten minutes a day and find a new artist and try and get a grip of what they do. Then do the thing that you can only do in this space. Contact that person. Find an email address or username and let that stranger know how their work effects you if it does. I'm not saying pick at random but find someone who connects with you and reach back. It's rare to experience this global communication in that critical grey area between AWESOME and GTFO! 

- Peace , AC 

Clear Swimmer

First painting in a while. They get better with time and look bad on camra.

Prediction

New Super Smash Bros. Game will launch at the end of May. 

You heard it here first. 

- AC

People Can Tell.

At what point will you not be able to distinguish me from a botnet slave? For now , I think people can tell what is real and what is a scam. The time of BladeRunner has passed. I have a strong sensation of people really hoping for freshness. I have a lot of hope on the road toward 2020. In elementary school I had a TrapperKeeper with a punk kid eating potato chips in zero G with the subtitle " Hanging out in the year 2020". The chance to see that is as possible as me not getting there. But I have a thought for the future. And I persist with the belief that my effort is valuable. I can't describe how, but I want tomorrow to be good. There is too clear of a picture of the worst thing that could happen. And it's troubling to me that a dream of hard times is easier to  describe than a wish for happiness. For peace and connectedness , a certain identity with our crises needs to be present. In my country at least, someone really pulled the rug out from under the Hippies. It's of course not that simple or easy. But to be the change you wish to see in the world, as Gandhi put it , is a very important start. Hard times are inescapable in that duality. I will not suffer with you.